Ode to Bob
Why the name Dead Bob’s? Who was Bob? I met Bob several years ago at a hotel pool bar in Miami Beach. I was down for a little R & R and I couldn’t help but notice this enormous man (427 lbs. and 5’7”) across from me. He was laughing and holding court with three gorgeous and “voluptuous” blondes. I was soon invited to join the party! Bob and I became instant friends.
Despite his physical size, he was one of the most energetic and non-stop partying persons I have ever met. He could stay up all night, get two hours sleep, and be right back looking for some action. I have always suspected Bob had a little chemical help, but hey – nobody’s perfect. One time Bob called and invited me to go to Hollywood with him. He was going to be an advisor for a movie that was being produced about his cousin Bernie. I didn’t know at the time, but “Weekend at Bernie’s” became a Hollywood classic!
As things sometimes happen, Bob and I lost touch for a while…until one day in July 2013, several of us pseudo-alcoholics were sitting around Willy’s having some shots and lying to each other, when this frail old man came stumbling through the door, dragging an oxygen tank behind him so he could breathe. He had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He weighed no more than 115 pounds soaking wet and looked like death warmed over. I looked at him for a moment, then I gasped and realized it was Bob.
Needless to say, the party started. Even though Bob wasn’t in good shape, he still had it – telling jokes, telling stories and still doing serious drinking. That was an unforgettable afternoon – typical Bob. Even though it was obvious Bob was in very bad health, he partied until he almost fell off the barstool.
I took Bob back to his hotel room that night, helped him to bed, and told him that I’d call him in the morning. When I called, he said he had to go to his liver treatments and he’d be in touch. I didn’t know his treatments were in Chicago. I never spoke to Bob again. When I finally tracked his crazy, lunatic brother, Earl, down, the first words I heard were, “Bob’s dead.” Bob will not be forgotten!